“Don’t talk to her, she doesn’t talk.” At our second of three We’re Here Too events which are taking place around Scotland this autumn, we heard an anecdote from someone with experience as a volunteer with the care inspectorate, bringing the perspective of someone living with dementia to the monitoring of care homes. Directed past this particular resident who “didn’t talk”, the volunteer wondered how she would feel if someone were to walk on by her in this way. Instead, she stopped and sat by the resident; communication wasn’t as flowing as we may be used to and required a bit of time, but through non-verbals and a few words, real engagement was possible. She found out, for instance, that the woman’s son was coming to visit and he plays the guitar.
When just about to leave, she spotted a man who must’ve been the son coming for his visit so approached him and said “I had a lovely chat with your Mum, I hear you play the guitar?” She reports that you could have knocked him down with a feather; “but my Mum doesn’t talk” came his stunned response.
This is a simple but poignant story which reminds us of the judgements we can all too easily slip in to making. And of the value in taking that bit more time to interact with those around us.
A recent report from The Joseph Rowntree Foundation and Carnegie UK Trust encourages us to think about how we can create kinder communities. Simply allowing ourselves to connect with one another is surely a first big step towards this goal. Now, in a time when everything feels unstable and kindness is distant concept on the world stage, this feels more important than ever.
Our We’re Here Too events are about giving older people the chances to keep doing the things that they love and opportunities to try new things. In order to do this, we first need to be able to challenge ourselves by not making assumptions about others and allow people to be valued and heard.
Our third and final event for this year is being held in Inverness on 2nd December. There are still places available to attend and we would love to have you along. See the full event details and programme, and contact alice@otbds.org if you would like to attend or have any questions about it.